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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329288">this world has a hold on me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanjacketCarf/pseuds/JeanjacketCarf'>JeanjacketCarf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arrow (TV 2012), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Black Flash, Funerals, Gen, Immortality, Kryptonian Culture &amp; Customs, the Spectre - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:56:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329288</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanjacketCarf/pseuds/JeanjacketCarf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jor-El was obsessed with Earth and even more so with its yellow sun.<br/>'If my calculations are correct, on that planet with its gravity and ultraviolet saturation, the Kryptonian body would be capable of miracles. We would be onto gods ourselves.' "<br/>Is living forever all it means to be a god?</p><p>Or<br/>Kara attends another funeral. Her dead friends don't leave her alone and that's okay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Allen &amp; Kara Danvers &amp; Oliver Queen, Kara Danvers &amp; Clark Kent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>this world has a hold on me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I know this is probably not the time for this sort of thing, but it is what it is.<br/>Title comes from "A Hold On Me" by Diana Jones<br/>Barry as the Black Flash comes from https://archiveofourown.org/users/trufflemores/pseuds/trufflemores</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This would be the last funeral, she thought. She would go to no more. There were still people she cared about but she hoped they would understand. There had been too much mourning in her life.</p><p>She stood on the hill, far above the funeral procession that wove through the quiet, tree lined cemetery. The walking mourners were led by a military band playing bagpipes, they followed a horse drawn cart, the casket inside draped in the American flag.</p><p>They were laying him to rest like a soldier though he’d never been one. They were burying him in the Earth like a human and he was close enough. The gravestone read “Clark Kent” and that, she had to admit, was just right.</p><p>Still, as the sun set red on the horizon, she prayed to Rao to watch over her cousin, Kal-El, in his light.</p><p>Before Earth, Kara remembered hearing about it and its people. She remembered staying up late, long after she ought to have been asleep, listening to her father and uncle talking. Jor-El was obsessed with Earth and even more so with its yellow sun.</p><p>“If my calculations are correct, on that planet with its gravity and ultraviolet saturation, the Kryptonian body would be capable of miracles. We would be onto gods ourselves.”</p><p>Her father had laughed it off.</p><p>“Don’t blaspheme, Jor, and don’t let too many people hear you talk like that. They might get ideas.”</p><p>Ideas of rivaling Rao’s power, she knew, and that had never been something she’d wanted.</p><p>When Jor-El sent his son to Earth, he sent him with thousands of recordings, messages for when he was older. They called him to be a great man, to be a shining example to humanity, to lead them into the light so they could be a greater people than even the Kryptonians themselves.</p><p>Kara’s mother’s hope for her was not so lofty. She told her to be noble and compassionate and just. And to protect her cousin. 	</p><p>Now she was laying one of those missions to rest.</p><p>From the air to her right a figure of darkness stepped into being. </p><p>“Hi, Barry,” she said without turning though she knew the Black Flash would not answer her.</p><p>From time to time, she still encountered Barry alive. The merging of earths and timelines after Crisis had played hell on the speedsters, splintering them throughout time. Sometimes Barry knew her and sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes he spoke only in Speedforce riddles and sometimes he was only Flash, no Barry.</p><p>But when it was important, the Black Flash visited and he came on purpose. The cowl obscured his face, his eyes gleamed gold and the grass did not even bend beneath his feet but she knew him in his gait and the charge in the air. It was nice, she supposed, in a ghastly way that she still got to see him long after she’d attended his funeral.</p><p>The Black Flash leaned over the ridge and nodded to the procession. </p><p>“I know I’m supposed to be down there,” she said. “But they don’t need me. He has his family for that.”</p><p>Kal had lived to give his life for his great-great grandchildren. The Kryptonian blood, however blended, continued on. Kara herself had no descendants. Maybe because, unlike Clark, she had always known just how long she would live. Really, she still had time for that. Endless time.</p><p>“I wouldn’t have wished this for you,” a voice said from the left and slightly behind. Green smoke billowed across the grass, bending it like a fierce wind. The trees creaked and groaned but Kara’s long hair and funeral robes did not sway.</p><p>This time she smiled.</p><p>“Oliver.”</p><p>The Spectre bowed, only his whiskered chin jutting out from underneath his hood.</p><p>“Kara,” he said warmly. “Forgive me for being the death of the party.”</p><p>She giggled despite herself. “Why now do you try to be funny?”</p><p>He shrugged. “I’ve got nothing but time.”</p><p>The Black Flash passed behind her, sending a sliver of cold down her spine, and went to place a long clawed hand on Oliver’s shoulder. Kara knew touching Oliver her hand would pass through him and touching Barry would kill her. But under the Black Flash’s hand the Spectre was solid and to the Spectre the Black Flash’s touch was harmless.</p><p>A glimpse of a smile showed under Oliver’s hood and he placed his hand over Barry’s.</p><p>“Hey, buddy.”</p><p>Kara longed to close the distance and wrap them both in her arms but she stayed where she was, aching quietly.</p><p>She felt Oliver meet her eyes from underneath the preternatural gloom of his hood.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Kara. I’m truly sorry.”</p><p>“He’s happy now, isn’t he?” She swallowed thickly, her breath hitching. “With Lois?”</p><p>Oliver nodded.</p><p>Kara smiled through her tears.</p><p>“Then there’s nothing to be sorry about.”</p><p>“I’m sorry for you, Kara. For your loss.”</p><p>Oh, Kara had heard that so many times. How was she supposed to say that this wasn’t even the worst? Not the worst. Not by any stretch of the imagination. </p><p>She shook her head. “Don’t worry about me. I keep keeping on. Just think in a century or two I’ll get to meet Winn’s daughter. That’s something to look forward to.”</p><p>Oliver slid out of Barry’s grasp and flowed forward, reaching out so his hand hovered close to her own.</p><p>“I wish there was something I could do.”</p><p>She clasped at the smoke of his fingertips. Why was magic the one thing she couldn’t conquer? What was the point of having the power of a god if she couldn’t even hold his hand?</p><p>“You already have. Thank you for being here.” She looked to the Black Flash and smiled. “Both of you. It means the world. Really. I love you.”</p><p>Oliver smiled back sadly. The Black Flash nodded.</p><p>The sun was setting and a bugle played as Clark Kent was lowered into the ground.</p><p>Kara wiped away her tears. “I have to go,” she said, her heels already lifting.</p><p>She floated into the air, unbound by gravity, and came down to rest beside the monument the city had built to Superman.</p><p>An owl began hooting as she placed a small polished stone beside his name. On the hill, two dark figures watched. Her two funeral gods.</p><p>This was not, Kara thought, what being a god was supposed to feel like.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kara being sad af at only 160 more likely than you think</p><p>anyways thanks for reading leave a kudos or comment if you feel like making me less sad</p></blockquote></div></div>
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